What if...?

I'm fantasising now...

Priti Patel has gone. Unfortunately she's still an MP, though how anyone can justify that I don't know.

What if Boris Johnson is sent off to Iran to sort the mess he has made there, with a charity worker now facing having her sentence by an Iranian court doubled because of his big mouth? A trip to Iran calls for diplomacy, a bit of grovelling and building bridges so you can do business with people you may not like but have to work with. He'll fluff it. We know that before he even gets on the plane. He might recite a wee colonialist poem at the Iranians or remind them of the debt they owe to the British Empah.

Then the head of the NHS in England, emboldened as he was today by the knowledge that the public are behind him and the NHS in demanding more capacity and more money to meet the needs of patients, continues to insist that the organisation must get the £350million a week extra funding promised by the Brexiteers - people like Johnson. The UK budget can't find that kind of cash, especially since it looks as if the UK will also have to pay £60 billion+ to leave the EU.

Will that be enough - finally - for Theresa May to get rid of Johnson?

And then the sex scandal simmering away in Westminster claims a few more heads - not bit players, not poor souls like the Welsh Assembly member driven to suicide yesterday, but big Tory people: ministers. There will finally be resignations. Maybe at last Theresa May will resign. Who will the Tories get to replace her? Probably some stooge will step up, just as incompetent as she is, and the Tory government will stagger on a wee while longer. But the Tory government and maybe even the Tory party are finished.

Jeremy Corbyn will play it very cool, just as he is doing now: who the hell needs to get tangled up in that nest of snakes? Or maybe Labour and Lib Dems, the SNP and the Greens, faced with another general election which the voters definitely don't want, will finally get together in all parliaments, not just Westminster, and devise a strategy to save us from the madness inflicted on us by the Tories.

It's no more unlikely - or unacceptable - than the current coalition of the Tories and the DUP.

The Lib Dems will demand that their principles be adhered to: they will seek to 'balance the fundamental values of liberty, equality and community ... in which no one shall be enslaved by poverty, ignorance or conformity.' They will present their demands to find a form of inclusion in the EU which still allows UK voters to feel in control of their future, to freeze student fees, to increase support for childcare, and to improve the representation of women and minorities in day to day government.

The SNP and the Greens will go along with these demands, although the SNP and the Scottish Greens will seek to hold another referendum for independence and insist that their own views such as the abandonment of Trident, the abolition of the house of lords and the curtailment of HS2 be considered, since the UK clearly can't afford any of it.

Well, I said it was a fantasy. But frankly, it's no worse than the chaos we're experiencing now.