In fact, I had a piece ready about Trump and his fight with the 'sonsabitches' who play American football. American football was once described to me by a Yorkshireman as 'roogby fer girls.' But it's the weekend and Trump is off twitter, thanks be, so we can all relax and I can do a quick audit of the things that have annoyed me this week online:
1 Is there nobody left on Facebook who knows the difference between the words 'woman' and 'women'? And is there a woman alive in Europe who still thinks it's up to a man to tell her what to do with her own body? Here's to the women of Eire, currently marching for their right to decide.
2 What would it take for Sky News online to make Catalunya its number one story? The arrival of troops in tanks and police from other parts of Spain and the arrest of Catalan mayors and EU observers - these stories have only managed to get the current referendum crisis to item 4 in their list of hot topics. There's a real shortage of 'in depth' analysis of what's happening. Neither Sky nor the BBC seems to have the slightest idea that Catalunya isn't just a place in Spain but exists over the border in France - and that people have been moving back and forth for centuries on the basis of their shared language and culture. The same is true of the Basque Country. Could it be that the Madrid government is in cahoots with the French government and they are both exerting pressure on the EU to keep schtoum? Just asking...
3 Does anyone think Neil Oliver is a good appointment as head honcho of the National Trust for Scotland? I was very tolerant of this man to start with but his TV series on the Northern Isles was such bollox I lost faith. His political opinions are not those of a historian (he's an archaeologist) but those of someone with an agenda who is, in my opinion, trying to bend the facts to suit his own beliefs.
4 How long can Theresa May last? And who the hell still thinks Boris Johnston is a suitable replacement for her as prime minister? As far as I can see, UK politics (Tory, Labour, LibDem - since these are the only parties we ever hear about) is dead in the water. Lack of talent is the main reason.
5 Is it over yet? Brexit, I mean. I am so sick of listening to Brexiters telling us we need to get used to the idea of leaving the EU. We have (with some regret) accepted that. Now can you lot get on with delivering something that looks like a settlement, preferably before what's left of British business has left the country?
6 Given what's happening in Catalunya, it's no surprise to me to find protesters in Manchester preparing to greet the Tory Party Conference with a banner reading 'Hang The Tories.' Not very subtle but in the UK, this definitely counts as Barcelona-style street protest.
7 Is anyone ever going to challenge - in court - the Tory decision to bribe the DUP with public money to prop up Theresa May's government?
8 Will anything make Michael O'Leary resign?
9 Nick Robinson came to the defence of Laura Kuenssberg a few days ago. Since they both work for the BBC and Nick is a known liar, how much credibility should we attach to the hagiography the BBC published this week?
10 Where the hell is our Indian summer?
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