Crisps

Okay, this is a serious matter. A very serious matter. It has to do with lifestyle.

For decades now, Scottish people have been buying packets, bags and multi-packs of crisps. And for decades the contents have got worse and worse.

And yet, we are told we have a bigger and better range of crisps.

'Handmade' crisps are terrible. I've got a mouth full of cosmetic dental work so I'm fussy what I eat. I never buy these handmade doodahs, because they are - what can I call them - chunky? over-cooked? Whatever they are, they're nothing like the crisps I ate when I was young.

Even the cat won't touch them. And she'll eat anything.

Then there's Golden Wonder. And Smith's. I suspect both manufacturers have been bought over by Walker's because they taste just like Walker's - and I've never liked Walker's crisps.

The closest you'll get to a decent crisp in the UK is the pack the Morrison's cafe sell at lunchtime - good value, by the way:a decent coffee + a multi pack of sandwiches and a wee bag of crisps - for £3.75.

The Morrison's crisps are not too salty. And they are very light. And there are just enough of them to let you enjoy the experience. Just like French crisps...But no, I can't go down that road....