There, I admit it.
- I don't understand how electricity works. Like Thurber's grandmother, I worry in case it could be leaking out of empty wall sockets and light fittings.
- I don't know what blu ray is. Or why anyone needs it. Can you still buy a blu ray player? Or is it like trying to get hold of a cassette recorder? My brother has reel-to-reel tape recorders. He swears the sound is better. I have wondered if he's secretly working for MI6. I don't like things with the word 'ray' in their names anyway. They make me think of 50s movies:
Available on blu ray, by the way.
- I can't enter or delete contacts on my house phones. I used to know but the instructions are now beyond me. So I still have contact numbers for dead people, people I haven't seen for 10 years and people who have left the country never to be heard from again.
- I like taking pictures of people but I use my camera mostly on auto because it takes me forever to set it to the exposure I need. By the time I've done that, everybody's asleep.
- I keep buying digital radios that don't save my stations, so if I unplug and go to the next room, I have to retune. How hard is it to make a radio that saves your stations? Every other form of technology cracked this years ago. Roberts, whoever you are, take a bow!
- Someone in Southampton keeps trying to sell me blinds. I don't know how to block them on my mobile. In fact, I don't really know how my mobile works. I wait till I see my nephews and get them to fix things for me. I have caught myself recently trying to use my mobile as a remote control for my telly. It doesn't work.
- I don't understand why lightbulbs are so complicated. At one time there was a straight choice: 60w or 100w. Now I have to work out if I need Halogen or Halogen Eco or Energysavers at 28W (which you can't read by) or those wee round bulbs that only used to come in overhead projectors. The light fitting in my tiny hallway needs 4 of them. I got the brother to put in two - and they're pretty dazzling. I recently bought a bedside lamp for £6. The bulb cost £8.
- I have no idea what the following are: Instagram, Twitter (even though I have signed up for it), Tinder, The Cloud, fitbit.
Please don't send me information about any of this. I know enough to deal with my Sky box, my hub, my Scottish Gas hive, my printer, my desktop, my tablet and my DVD player, my Bosch cooker, washing machine, dish washer, my Panasonic microwave and my desktop camera. Last week my hairdresser laughed when I told her I had an electric curling brush. Very 1990s, she said.
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